Background and thoughts.

I have determined that this blog will be about my spiritual growth and walk.  So the most logical start is to lay down the framework of where I am spiritually and where I have come from church-wise.  

I grew up without any spiritual guidance.  There was no talk about God when I was growing up.  I started seeking the lord when I was 15 and gave my life to God when I was 16.  I bounced from baptist to methodist, from catholic to pentecostal.  I went to Catechism, which I am actually glad for.  

When I was 18 or 19 every other Saturday I would meet with 7 or 8 friends, all of whom smoked (or chain-smoked).  I would stay the night at one house or another and the next morning would reek of cigarette smoke.  My coat was stained and dirty, my shoes were coming apart and it was a Michigan winter.  I would occasionally walk to a church the next morning, typically being welcomed in but shunned at the same time.  I happened upon one church that not only welcomed me in, but genuinely cared about me.  The first time I stepped foot in that church I knew that the parishioners had something different.  They were seeking after God, and were exhibiting the fruit of the spirit.  

I believe it was the first time that I went to the church, that as I was leaving a nice couple came up and said they could give me a better pair of shoes.  They let me in their car, which I am now embarrassed that I actually got in, given my smelly, griminess.  They drove me downtown on a Sunday to the closed shoes store. They unlocked the door and told me to pick out a pair of boots.  I thanked them and tried a couple of boots on and found a pair I liked.  I saw the price and tried to find a cheaper pair but they insisted I take them.  I looked around and realized that there weren't any $20 pair of boots.  I wasn't going to find anything cheaper and I felt bad, but they insisted I take them.  

This was an example to me of the love of God.  This is something that is being found less and less in any religion, denomination, or group.  

Brief summation of the next few years:  I moved away from Michigan, joined the military, and faded away from God. I moved back to Michigan. I claimed my Christianity, and collected Bibles, although I never read them, and got to the point where I could almost deny God's existence. 

My wife stumbled across a book that God spoke through and brought her, and I (by proxy) back to church. The most logical decision was to go back to the church that had shown me the love that I still remembered.  We went to that Assembly of God church and became one of the regulars.  The church was filled with Love and other fruits of the spirit.  Everything was great for a year, maybe a year and a half.  Until the Lakeland Revivals, and IHOP (Internation House of Prayer).  As these "revivals" were taking place we started to hear from some friends about the Torah and how it wasn't done away with.  God's food laws were still in effect and that there were actually "rules" or "guidelines" for the KINGDOM of God.  

My wife and I, being of strong opinions got into heated discussions about these topics until we decided to not talk about our friends "legalism".  I was against the law of Moses, while my wife seemed to lean in the opposite direction.  We didn't talk about the subject for over a month, we just prayed about it.  In that month I realized that the law had not been done away with. It was not our salvation, but the fruits of our acceptance of salvation.  

We still went to our church that was gradually slipping into a "feel good", "do what you want" philosophy.  They weren't so Pentecostal that they barked liked dogs, or fell on the floor and twitched, but they didn't "disagree" with those practices either.  After privately rebuking the pastor (which he publicly admitted that he was wrong) we thought things were going to get better.  After a second rebuke to a teacher about going into a trance-like state, we knew that it was only going to go downhill.  We stopped attending shortly after and let the word speak for itself on what was acceptable and what was not acceptable.

Here we are now, moved halfway across the country seeking the middle line between being Torah observant (or pursuant) and bearing the fruit of the spirit.  We have looked to messianic teachers for wisdom, and we have found many good teachers out there.  Torah is for us, we are Israel, we have been grafted in by the blood of Messiah.  The problem I have is that from my vantage point there seems to be an inability to both walk in Torah and have the fruit of the spirit. Devision caused by saying the name wrong, or when God's Calendar begins.  There are probably some that will never read my blog because I have written God and Jesus instead of YHVH, YHWH, Y'shua, Yahshua, or any other spelling you can think of.  

We as a people, need to follow after God with out entire lives, and come beside our brethern, who like ourselves have been told lies.  To many Messianics will gladly walk alongside our "brother Judah" but will dismiss our Christian brothers because they don't hold the sabbath and because they eat pork.  Our Christian brothers, who are actually seeking after God, have at least taken the first step in salvation.  They have accepted the sacrifice for their sins and are seeking after the fruit of the spirit.

We need to walk in Torah, yes, but we eventually need to move on to the weightier matters and begin to allow God's Love to shine through us.  We need to have love and patience and compassion.  

We eventually need to realize that focusing on only the Torah is like tilling the ground over and over.  Eventually we need to plant the Torah in our hearts, and let the fruit grow.